How many of you have had the “Christian Marriage Fight”? You know, the one where the husband says, “You need to submit to me.” And where the wife says, “You need to love me sacrificially–the way Christ loves the church. Or at least as much as you love your own body.” Mike and I had one the first night we were married. **Drumroll** I know you’re waiting to hear something momentous. **More drumroll** OK. It was about pyjamas. And that’s all you need to know about that.
I always talk to young couples about this useless matrimonial infighting, but today I found a name for the husband and wife roles in this battle. One is “self-serving conformity” and the other was “self-serving assertiveness.” You see, when it comes down to it we both just wanted to please self. And we used “Biblical” ammunition to try and get it. Now, that’s kind of disgusting.
What’s the motive here? Love, grace, mercy, glorifying God? Nope. Selfishness–pure and simple. Now, a couple of people who’ve commented on my posts about self seem to think I’m promoting some sort of works righteousness or self-improvement program. Actually, what I’m learning and passing on is that we need to learn to be sensitive to the sin of selfishness, ask forgiveness (because we can’t live an other-centered life without God’s provision), and receive the forgiveness and grace that he has for us. What do you think?
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Fearless 
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